My Life... aka "Contorted Exercises in Futility" (notspam) wrote in oldfarts,
My Life... aka "Contorted Exercises in Futility"
notspam
oldfarts

Dating, Mating and Relating......

So I am 42 years old. No, wait, it changed.... I am 43 years old now. I don't consider this "old" by any stretch of the imagination - I have good friends in their *70s* whom I don't consider "old" even. My activity level is similar to what it was when I was 20-25 even. My choices and preferences are similar to what they were when 20-25 (although I do like to think they have developed just a bit more *depth* since then). The things I like to do for fun remain pretty similar (although I do tend to be more solitary and comfortable with that than 20 years ago). Even my clothing tastes are somewhat the same - again, maybe a bit more depth and knowledge of quality, but similar, definitely similar.

The problem: Clearly my tastes in men have remained similar too. A young barely 30-something, buff, strong, virile, member of the male species visited my dreams last night. As often occurs with me, my psyche even seems to have created a cute little allegory in that his profession was that of a firefighter. (think: "Hot", "There to put out the fires, etc....) Oh was he delightful! And of course, as lovely, fanciful, somewhat erotica-oriented dreams will have it, he simply adored me!

So once upon a time something like this could have been a reflection of reality. It could have been something to hope for next week. Today however it is but a reflection of the past, what could have been, what might have been, what sadly, will probably never be. The "adored" part? Oh thats definitely possible. Even the semi-erotica part is definitely possible. The shapely, utterly muscular, "Rawr!" factor? Uh, quite unlikely. The chances of a young 30-ish "dude" of that type becoming remotely attracted to me today would likely indicate some degree of mental instability or insecurity on his part. Possibly some sort of mother fixation even. The chances of finding that emotional/mental communion with that "not yet been kicked around by the world" hopeful, optimistic, self directed, vibrant person in that sort of age bracket is even less likely. Not that I am looking - Really I'm not. Its just not something that comes up too often for me anymore. More on that another time (or in a few paragraphs) though.

If I were to be "looking" today for someone to date, someone to spend time with, someone to have "that" kind of a relationship with, it would just be blatently inappropriate to look towards those folks with the shining, fresh, brand-newness in their appearance and oulook that I find so refreshing, so intriguing, so *attractive* for that matter.

Bottom line: Have you seen a 50 year old man naked lately? I rest my case.

Now, does this mean that the 40-50 somethings are not attractive? No! Not at all! Its just a very different *kind* of attractive. It is very unlikely that one is going to find the 45/50/55 and up male (or female for that matter!) astonishingly attractive simply based upon their appearance. Most of us have such appearance issues by that time such as cellulite, excess poundage, faded greying hair, lost teeth, lost skin texture, facial sag, "character" lines.... in other words, we tend to develop a bit more of the "weathered look". Now this is not in and of itself a *bad thing*! But set side by side next to an April fresh spring rain, something pales a bit - at least at first glance.

Which is somewhat of my point here - We have a task set before us that the 20-somethings do not. We almost *have* to look at least a bit below the surface. We almost *have* to explore who this person is before running off on a beachfront tryst with them. Otherwise we are simply unlikely to *want* to. It is almost as though Nature itself forces us to eventually look at creating depth in our relations. And indeed, this is very important, very worthwhile and to me overall far better than living from the perspective of "Hey baby, you look cute, c'mere!".

But sometimes..... in a wistful moment.... That pure electricity, that unexamined lust, that anonymous attraction...... It's loss is almost heartbreaking in its intensity.
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